Love

Being loved has been the greatest longing of my life.  I can honestly say it is the driving force in all my decisions and actions. Not to say that I love perfectly, it just matters most to me.

For many years, if someone else loved me I could love myself, if they didn't love me, I couldn't find love for myself. Until I learned that God loved me without reservation.

 It was during one of the most sinful times of my life, which I would say is very ironic except that is actually the nature of God. His is a kingdom upside down, backward from my reality.  He loves us when we are at our worst. As a matter of fact, he gave his best in exchange for out worst. That is God's crazy economy.

I have already shared in a previous post that I had come home one night after being out at a club (for those of you who know me well, I know this makes you laugh, I am not a club kind of girl) and was so empty. This memory makes me laugh a little at myself. I had danced on the dance floor and had a seven and seven. Not hard core sinning to say the least but I had been a very good girl, from a very strict religious home and so this was major for me. The truth is that however benign my behavior was, I was sad and empty and trying to fill a hurting heart with something, anything except for what would truly comfort me. I laid down on our old green sofa. The house was dark, and everyone was in bed and I just felt so sad. Without a request or prayer from me, God's loving presence came across my heart that  night. I just couldn't imagine that at that moment, I could feel so much love.

Over the next weeks and months, God took me into his word to reveal himself and his character to me. I read 1 John 4:8 that told me God is love. It is the substance he is made of. Then I read 1 Corinthians 13 that told me Love's position toward me. God is patient with me and does not keep a record of my wrongs. He is always kind to me.

It was living water. It was hallelujah and joy rising. I was free for the first time in my life.

He continued this revelation in my heart in Romans 8 where I learned there was no more condemnation for me. I understood that because I was his, what I was facing that broke my heart to pieces had no choice but to bless me in God's time, according to Romans 8:28. I learned that even when everyone else stood against me, when those that I had counted on to comfort me and cover me in their care instead betrayed me, when I let myself down worst of all, God stood for me according to Romans 8 :38-39. No one, not even my own self, would separate me from his love.

His love is stronger, smarter, mightier than any other force. His love is patient and gentle. His love does not keep the record of my wrongs. His love sought me out before time began. His love is faithful to me when I am faithless.

God's love anchors me to this day. There are people in my life I love very much and I know they love me back, big and strong and hard, right back to me. But God's love is the brightest. His love teaches me how to recognize it in others. His love calls me to higher places and comforts me still.

I will forever be kept in his love.